Banned from Walmart..

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Gilbert
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Gilbert are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras .

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minut e intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..

11.. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13.. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Sincerely,
Wal-Mart


This is way too funny NOT to share!

Superstitous ME!

The west is superstitious too and I have willingly fallen prey to this superstition!
Groundhog is a adorable creature who is famous for his ability to predict the onset of spring. Tradition dictates that on the 2nd of February, the groundhog is lured out of his home. If this furry animal sees its own shadow and scampers back in, spring is pronounced to be 6 weeks away!

Long long ago.. this custom originated in a land we now call Germany. The then Europeans depended on the Bagder's role of oracle as he predicted the onset of spring and set their farming clock accordingly. When the Germans migrated to Pennsylvania the Badger's role was taken over by Groundhogs native to the region. And the tradition has stuck ever since.

So the enthusiastic ME has become the superstitious ME as I eagerly await Spring which my furry little friend says is 6 weeks away! :)

Ishiqkiya!

Love? Lust? Hatred? Revenge? Redemption? Or... everything?

This movie is a cocktail of all the above emotions which is bound to give you a 'high' as you revel in its complexities and leaves you with a pleasant hangover as your musings enjoy its rerun in your mind! The one word that describes the movie is 'crass' or may be even 'devious'! With an utter lack of principles or even a hint of decency the main characters go about their life with a happy go lucky attitude until they land in a world of trouble. Shah and Warsi expertly play their parts of wayward criminals who elope with their brother-in-law’s dough!

Lacy Luck brings brings them to Balan's door step who willingly welcomes them into her empty home. Balan has previously lost her criminal husband to a gas explosion that she herself narrowly escaped! Once the money has mysteriously disappeared, the trio find themselves in a spot...desperate to save their lives! Balan convinces the unruly duo into a seemingly simple kidnapping scheme to earn their loot back and assumes the role of a temptress to ensure the duo’s lasting commitment to their scheme. Balan manages to seduce both men and that is the audience’s first clue to her not so benign intentions! What follows afterward is a series of goof ups and tons of drama as the story unfolds. The climax is pretty unpredictable and the fresh twist makes this a welcome change!

Balan's undying love for her dead husband, Warsi's lust, Balan's hatred and revenge and the duo's desperate attempt at redemption! All in a all a power packed must see Bollywood movie.... that is for those fools who question the film’s entertainment quality inspite of the Shah-Warsi-Balan combination!

Winter Blues!

Wonder why they call it winter blues? Personally, I was not a fan of the cold and despised it. However, after chilling my butt in this very frigid season,..... I had an epiphany!! The human body is an amazing piece of work... honestly! It can adapt itself to any environment and habituate itself in a reasonable amount of time. Our bodies are truly our greatest gift!!
Okay may be second greatest gift.. first is our... our ability to think and feel which makes us apparently superior to the other 'non-opposable thumb' species in kingdom "Animalia"!

So after 2 months of winter... I have learned to LOVE the snow!! I love to see the diamond shaped pieces of frozen water drift weightlessly to the ground. Enjoy the gentle breeze as it carries snow creating a white mess of everything it touches. Don't get me wrong, in my books I still equate paradise with a gorgeous warm and humid sea beach! Only these days...snow covered mountains seem pretty appealing as well!

So winter for me is not so blue anymore!

Contract for new 'blog-friends'

2010 Contract After serious & cautious consideration... Your contract of friendship has been renewed For the New Year 2010! It was a very hard decision to make... So try not to screw it up!!! My Wish for You in 2010 May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for Rs 1000 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy May the problems you had, forget your home address! In simple words ............ May 2010 be the best year of your life!!!

Mind Over Matter

The power of mind and the extent of its abilities have long been pondered, discussed and challenged. Yoga and meditation bring about the manifestation of the power of mind over body. Stories documenting the efficacy of these disciplines are widely known and broadcasted everyday by media. I have often tried to understand the importance of total control over the mind which my grandmother often emphasized. Sadly, youth harbors impatience rather than the desire of understanding the unknown, consequently the potency of mind control has evaded me. These days, I have come across discussions on the effect of human mind everywhere...in books, tv shows and newspapers! Apparently, it has caught everyone's fancy and is the hottest form of discussion! Dan Brown's latest release "The Lost Symbol" is along similar lines... it talks about the role of man as God if only he would realize the power his brain can unleash! Whereas..."The monk who sold his ferrari" openly discusses mind control and the secret of happiness!

How much truth do these facts hold.... I do not know. But personally, I have witnessed the chaos caused by the lack of 'mind control'. So naturally, in my books reverse psyhcology hints at the positive effects of having it in your life!

On a slightly related topic... (I could not resist sharing with you guys and gals)...Here is a little inspiration I found...the eagle 'fishing' a shark!.... apparently the forward was titled.. Performance Measure: Goal for the New Year!

X-MAS(T)!

The Christmas spirit is definetly in the air and has managed to melt the hearts of New Yorkers. Strangers pause to "bestow" others with a smile. Some "high spirited" ones even hold the door for you and each and every one wishes you a good holiday! After enduring weeks of ignorace and cold shoulders this comes as a pleasent surprise! I will knowingly disregard the fact that at this time of the year, most 'people' on the streets spreading this cheer are 'out-of towners' (moa included) who are 'happy-cheerful' beings to begin with...(apparently, the City even enforces an embargo to stop all construction activities on and near the sidewalk till the end of the holiday season... kind of a good hospitality)! Instead I would like to give the benefit of the doubt to the NewYorkers-transformation on the eve of Christmas!

To add to the holiday spirit most windows are lined with lights and X-Mas trees brightening everybody's day! Even the Empire State is bathed in 'green & red' lights to reflect the holiday cheer ebbing in the city! And all of a sudden.....the big apple is a warm place to live in inspite of the sub-freezing temperatures!

Sigh.... in the words of Alicia Keys " I am indeed in a New York State of Mind!"